


Artemis Fowl: The Movie Incident

by tinytreehouse



Category: Artemis Fowl (2020), Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: Artemis Fowl watches his movie, Gen, artemis' pov, artemis' video diary, oh boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:53:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25434193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinytreehouse/pseuds/tinytreehouse
Summary: Artemis Fowl watches Disney's movie adaptation of his story. Needless to say, he doesn't find it satisfactory.
Comments: 22
Kudos: 54





	Artemis Fowl: The Movie Incident

Prompt: "I always like to think about how a character would react if they saw the piece of media about them that is awful and seems to be about someone else. So, my prompt is Artemis watches the Artemis movie, (movie from an alternate dimension or something) and what he would think about it."

I’m going to answer this from Artemis’s point of view, because I want to write in first person and not even God can stop me.

_Artemis’ video diary. June 11, 2020._

It has come to my attention that an American company has made a movie about me, slated for release tomorrow. From what I can deduce, they have access to my autobiography and adequate means to create a mostly-accurate biography. 

Of course, I don’t have very high expectations. You had to be in the room where it all happened to have a completely accurate perception of the events that transpired there. I don’t think I’ll mind if they take a couple of artistic liberties; I was a rather distasteful creature at age 12. If they were to make me more... ‘palatable,’ I would not object.

I suppose a ‘family movie night’ would be in order, then. I’ll have to research how those are conducted.

_Artemis’ video diary. June 12, 2020._

I cannot say my expectations for the movie were high. No, they were completely to the contrary. Yet, somehow, I was still left completely befuddled by this company’s rendition of me. 

To describe “movie me:” I’m... athletic. I surf, fence, and ride one of those horrendous mopeds through the wilderness. And, to add insult to injury, I was wearing jeans. JEANS. Myles is never going to let me hear the end of this.

As for Beckett: He seems to be enjoying the movie thus far. He was rather offended at not seeing himself represented in the movie, until I reminded him that these events occurred before his birth. 

I refuse to even give the movie as a whole the dignity of a proper review. As a movie, it was atrocious. The pacing was too fast and the writers overused exposition to the point of ridicule. And as a movie that was supposedly based on my biography? Simply untenable. 

I revise my prior statement. I don’t think anyone on the team of executives responsible for that monstrosity has ever laid eyes on a copy of my biography. I will be sure to leave a scathing review later, under the pen name Akku Loss or similar. 

I might crash that company’s servers later tonight if I have a few minutes to spare. 

To sum the experience up, I was at a loss for words.  
It is not often that Artemis Fowl the Second is rendered speechless. I believe the last time it happened was when I returned from Hybras to the discovery that I was now an older brother.

Myles and Beckett have collectively decided that whoever brought this atrocity upon the world is most definitely a simple-toon. I can’t say I disagree.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed that little snippet of suffering! Find me on tumblr @emmas-cozy-nook if you want to talk about AF or send me a prompt for more AF oneshots!


End file.
